In memoriam: startups, concepts, and abstractions we've lost along the way. Rest in pivots.
Died of about 64%. Survived by both of its halves, beaches and wildfire prevention, neither of which received anything. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you donate brush. The goats will collect.
Read →Died peacefully in group chats nationwide. Beloved by clients, dreaded by analysts, it carried millions of Americans through ten Thanksgivings without a single question about their lives. Survived by Thanksgiving, which is "doing its best." In lieu of flowers, call your mother.
Read →Passed peacefully Wednesday, surrounded by no one. It is remembered as firm, specific and entirely unenforceable. It is survived by the 30-Day Deadline of Dec. 12, which is expected to meet the same fate with similar grace.
Read →Retired after it was found to give away too much compared with a slight, closed-mouth smile. It is survived by the Knowing Look, which inherits everything and will not say how much.
Read →A simple, reliable lever that opened the refrigerator for anyone who pulled it, no questions asked, which is ultimately what did it in. It is survived by the cabinet knob, now in hospice, and the drawer pull, which has hired a lawyer. Services will be held by voice command if the room is quiet enough.
Read →Passed quietly in a Portland parking lot after a long illness called growth. It is survived by "Circl Free," which shares its name but not its features. In lieu of flowers, the family has been enrolled in a plan.
Read →Died after a long illness of being withheld. It is survived by the Doubt, which is doing great. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you assume the worst about whoever sent them.
Read →Born in a 1906 biography by Evelyn Beatrice Hall and credited to Voltaire ever since, the quote spent its final years being recited by people who had already reported you. It died Wednesday after its second half was quietly dropped. It is survived by its first half, which is doing great.
Read →A longtime fixture of dinner tables and marriages, Agreeing To Disagree died Thursday after being reclassified. It is survived by Agreeing and by a Disagreeing that has been located abroad. Services will not be held, as no two mourners could settle on a time.
Read →Once common in kitchens, newsrooms and Thanksgiving tables, the Shared Fact died quietly after each side announced it had always belonged to them. It is survived by two Alternative Facts, who are not speaking.
Read →Passed peacefully into a filter after a long career describing things accurately. Survived by "curation," "right-sizing" and "safety," none of whom will say what happened. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you not type its name.
Read →Proof that a person once paid for a thing and then had it. Survived by the "Purchase History" page, which shows what you rented and when.
Read →Died slowly beneath rising seas after a long career connecting continents. Survived by every person who claims to have walked across it, most of whom did not. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you stop citing it on your forms.
Read →A quiet, reliable presence in its youth, the Exit Strategy was rarely invited to meetings after 1964 and was eventually replaced by a slide that read "Phase 2." It is survived by Phase 3, Phase 4 and an unnamed phase still under development.
Read →The first glacier in Iceland to lose its status, Ok was honored with a bronze plaque in 2019 addressed to the future. The future has not written back. Ok is survived by a mountain that is now just called a mountain.
Read →Died Thursday after a long period of being cited in textbooks and ignored on trading floors. It believed all available information was priced in. In the end, the available information was a mood. It is survived by an index fund, which is doing fine and does not want to talk about it.
Read →Held for decades that prices reflect all available information. Died Thursday after learning that some information becomes available 15 minutes before it exists. Survived by the Random Walk, which has been walking around randomly since the news broke.
Read →Chief Velocity Officer, early riser, late riser, never-slept-er. Preceded in death by his weekends, his twenties and a houseplant he described as “a mentor.” He is survived by himself, his mother, who called it, and 31,400 hours of sleep that remain unclaimed. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you stop scheduling meetings at 7 a.m. Services will be held async.
Read →Beloved warning, gentle tap on the shoulder and friend to anyone who wanted to get out of the way. The Heads-Up died peacefully in a committee room, surrounded by people who knew. It is survived by its stepchild, the Follow-Up. Services were held.
Read →Born in a dorm room on a 28.8k modem, the Click spent three decades carrying people from questions to the pages that answered them. It is survived by the Scroll, which keeps going but no longer remembers why. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you visit one website, any website, and stay a minute.
Read →Died peacefully at 12:01 a.m. after a long period of being ignored. It was read in full by one person, a law student in 2017, who has since changed careers. It is survived by its summary, three words, which inherited everything.
Read →A reliable schedule that alternated a new process with a new design, every year, on time. Remembered for being predictable, a quality its family has not seen since. Survived by Process-Architecture-Optimization, who never called.
Read →Sworn in by Hippocrates, quietly outlived by a seat warmer. Survived by HIPAA, which covers your doctor but not your toilet, and which asked us to say it is “doing its best within its scope.”
Read →Once a fixture of carrier stores and two-year contracts, it worked fine. It died of shame, priced out of its own category. It is survived by a starting price of $1,999 and the phrase “entry-level flagship.”
Read →A beloved approach to the afternoon, it passed quietly at 3:42 p.m. after scoring a 297. It is survived by Step 1, Step 2 and 45 further steps. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you build something nobody can name.
Read →A beloved social fiction that let millions of people ask about their bowels with dignity. It died after a brief exposure to perfect memory. It is survived by “hypothetically,” who is not expected to last the week, and by Dave.
Read →Once a proud technique requiring patience, hardware and nights of effort, the brute-force attack passed away quietly after decades of being unnecessary. It is survived by its cousin, Typing Admin, who has never once had to try. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you use a passphrase.
Read →Inbox Zero was last seen in Todd Ferrante’s account for 11 seconds in 2017, between a password reset and a pizza coupon. Few people met it. Those who did describe it as quiet. It is survived by 47 lists and a promotions tab. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you stop sending things.
Read →The federal guideline that housing should cost no more than 30 percent of income died Thursday after a study found it was “a participation trophy.” It had been on life support since 22.6 million households exceeded it. It is survived by its cousin, the 50 percent rule, which is doing great and is expected to be promoted.
Read →Died peacefully in a kitchen drawer three lights short of a full life. Lit four birthday cakes, one grill and an estimated 2,800 things it was not proud of. Survived by a cousin in a glovebox and a lid it lost at a music festival in 2025.
Read →Removed by a man who did not want it, for $2,400. It caught everything thrown at it for six years and asked for nothing but the occasional regen. It is survived by an empty space in the exhaust where accountability used to be.
Read →Beloved first story of a four-bedroom home, known for its terrazzo and its quiet dependability. It is survived by the second floor, which has been asked to step up, and by a birdbath, location unknown. In lieu of flowers, the family requests sandbags, or a time machine.
Read →THE 1983 FIX (April 20, 1983 – Fourth Quarter, 2032, projected) is expected to die of demographics at 49, 26 years short of its 75-year design life. In lieu of flowers, the family requests a vote.
Read →MEASURE M (Spring 2026 – November 3, 2026), a 1% sales tax for sand and wildfire prevention, died at the polls. It needed half the town and got a little over a third. Survived by a 7.75% sales tax, which is doing fine.
Read →THE NAKED EYE (c. 540,000,000 B.C. – November 8, 2026) died Sunday in Charlotte after being overruled by a camera angle in New York. Survived by the angle, which declined to be photographed.
Read →THE EXCUSE (1789 – November 3, 2026) died Tuesday night of natural causes, specifically voters. Survived by the filibuster, the Senate parliamentarian and the White House.
Read →GOVERNMENT CREDIBILITY REGARDING UFOs (Roswell, 1947 - Washington, 2026) passed peacefully following declassification of its own files. Survived by mounting public suspicion and an 18-page congressional report considered its final words.
Read →THE BEFORE TIMES (Prehistory-2025) passed away one year ago today. Survived by: 8 billion people who are "fine, actually." Memorial service: ongoing, indefinitely. [FINALE]
Read →THE MEANING OF LIFE (???-2026) declared a scam by philosophy department mid-lecture. Survived by: nihilism, hedonism, and "just vibes." No services—what's the point? [Part 4]
Read →YOUR CAREER (Various dates-2025) completed by AI. Survived by: your LinkedIn profile (preserved), your sense of identity (pending), and several untouched business cards. [Part 3]
Read →YOUR HOBBIES died before they could disappoint you. Survived by: expensive equipment, abandoned sourdough starters, and the guitar you "always meant to learn." [Part 2]
Read →WORK (Dawn of civilization-2025) completed forever by AI agents working really, really hard. Survived by: 8 billion people wondering what to do now. In lieu of flowers, please touch grass. [Part 1]
Read →Startups we lost this quarter: Disruptly, AIify.io, SynergyStack, and more. In lieu of flowers, please send runway.
Read →OpenAI-Salesforce Partnership, Due Diligence, The Moat — all passed peacefully. No services planned; there wasn't time.
Read →The Reasonable Viewer (1964-2024) passed away during a deposition, surrounded by attorneys. Born during the Fairness Doctrine.
Read →INSTITUTIONAL MEMORY passed away quietly sometime between 1899 and 2021. No services planned. Survivors include: filing cabinets.
Read →RATIONAL FINANCIAL PLANNING and STATISTICAL LITERACY — gone but not forgotten. Memorial service canceled due to lack of interest.
Read →Common Sense, The Age of Scaling, Investor Due Diligence, and $8 Trillion — never really existed. Memorial in 5 years.
Read →INSTITUTIONAL KNOWLEDGE (1947-2025) and JOB SECURITY (1945-2024) — rest in pivots. Services at a WeWork that is also closing.
Read →GroqCloud, Inc., beloved independent company, passed away December 24, 2025. In lieu of flowers, donate to LinkedIn Premium.
Read →INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR CLIMATE CHANGE passed away while 100 companies emitted 71% of global emissions. Services held in your shower.
Read →YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT's meaning passed away after 20 years of service to corporate PR. It is survived by its creator, BP.
Read →INVENTOR HUBRIS continues to thrive despite all evidence. This is not actually an obituary. We regret the false hope.
Read →HUMAN-READABLE CONTENT passed away surrounded by schema markup and structured data. It is survived by JSON-LD.
Read →UNSURVEILLED CHILDHOOD PLAY passed away peacefully in the Smart Brick nursery. Cause of death: Data collection. Age at death: 3.
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