Nation's Toddlers Not Yet Tracked Precisely Enough, Lego Reports

LAS VEGAS — In a move that privacy advocates are calling "inevitable" and parents are calling "wait, what?", Lego announced at CES 2026 that it has developed a solution to a problem that has plagued humanity since the dawn of play: not knowing exactly where your child's toys are, what they're doing with them, and whether they're building things correctly.

The company unveiled its "Smart Brick" technology to a standing ovation from an audience of tech journalists who did not pause to consider the implications before applauding. Each brick contains a 4.1mm ASIC chip capable of sensing motion, orientation, magnetic fields, and its own position relative to other Smart Bricks via a proprietary mesh network Lego is calling "BrickNet."

"For too long, parents have been forced to guess what their children are doing when they play," said Lego Chief Innovation Officer Henrik Andersen, wearing a polo shirt that cost more than most people's rent. "Are they following the instructions? Are they being creative in approved ways? Are they experiencing frustration? Until now, we simply had no way of knowing."

The Smart Bricks communicate through BrickNet, which Lego describes as "a local wireless layer" that allows bricks to know where they are "in relation to other smart components." Each brick also contains a tiny speaker that plays audio "tied to live play actions" — including, in the Star Wars sets, The Imperial March. The company seemed unaware of any irony in choosing the anthem of a fictional galactic dictatorship to accompany their surveillance technology for children.

Privacy advocates expressed concerns about the technology, though their concerns were largely drowned out by the sound of The Imperial March playing from a nearby demonstration unit. "We're essentially normalizing surveillance of children through play," said Electronic Frontier Foundation attorney Jessica Chen. "But I have to admit, the TIE Fighter does look pretty cool."

The first Smart Brick sets will be Star Wars themed, because if you're going to introduce children to surveillance capitalism, at least make it collectible. The 473-piece Darth Vader TIE Fighter ($70), the 584-piece Luke's Red Five X-wing ($100), and the 962-piece Throne Room Duel & A-wing ($160) will all feature Smart Bricks, Smart Tags, and Smart Minifigures that communicate their positions at all times.

Lego was quick to assure parents that all data collection is "for the child's benefit." According to the company's 47-page privacy policy, Smart Brick data may be used for "product improvement, personalized experiences, targeted marketing, advertising optimization, third-party partnerships, research initiatives, and purposes we haven't thought of yet but reserve the right to implement."

When asked specifically who would have access to children's play data, Andersen smiled warmly. "The data is shared only with trusted partners," he said. "Disney, obviously. Some advertising networks. A few data brokers. Research institutions. Government agencies upon request. Future acquisition partners. Really, anyone who asks nicely and signs our standard NDA."

The CES keynote also featured announcements from other companies eager to fill gaps in the surveillance landscape that consumers didn't know existed. Samsung unveiled a refrigerator with "AI Vision" that monitors everything you eat and emails you weekly "FoodNote" reports. "We're essentially bringing the intimacy of government surveillance to the last private space in your home: the midnight cheese drawer," a Samsung representative did not say, but easily could have.

SwitchBot, meanwhile, announced a wearable AI device that records and transcribes every word you speak throughout the day. The company seemed genuinely puzzled when reporters asked about privacy implications. "It's for productivity," explained SwitchBot CEO Michael Liu. "Imagine never forgetting a conversation again." When asked whether the device might also be useful as evidence in divorce proceedings, Liu declined to comment but did not disagree.

Intel spent its keynote assuring investors it has "ways to make AI profitable," using the same vocal inflection as someone explaining why they're still confident in their sports betting system. The chip giant has struggled in recent years, but executives expressed confidence that their new 18-angstrom process would help them compete. When pressed for specifics on profitability, CEO Pat Gelsinger pointed to a slideshow and said, "These numbers are going up."

LG unveiled a household robot called CLOiD that can fold laundry, unload dishwashers, and serve food — as a "concept." The word "concept" here means "does not exist, but wouldn't it be nice." When asked when CLOiD might actually be available for purchase, LG representatives became philosophical. "What is availability, really?" mused one executive. "The concept of CLOiD is available now. Isn't that what matters?"

Perhaps most telling was Samsung's $2,500 trifold phone, which reviewers admitted was "bulky" before immediately adding that once you unfold it, you're "greeted with 10 inches of vivid AMOLED goodness." This is the precise grammatical structure used to justify every bad decision that starts with "I know, but hear me out."

The Punkt MC03 phone, marketed as a "minimalist" device for people who want less, costs €699 and requires a mandatory monthly subscription. "Simplicity has never been so complicated," admitted Punkt CEO Petter Neby, apparently without irony. The phone runs on a privacy-focused operating system and lets users install any Android app, which somewhat defeats the purpose but does allow Punkt to charge premium prices for what is essentially an Android phone with a nice case.

Back at the Lego booth, children were being encouraged to play with Smart Brick prototypes while researchers observed through one-way glass. "We're learning so much," said Dr. Anna Lindqvist, Lego's Head of Play Research. "Did you know that when children play with Lego, they often deviate from the instructions? We're working on corrective audio cues to address that."

When asked whether there were any ethical concerns about collecting data from children without their meaningful consent, Lindqvist smiled patiently. "Children can't meaningfully consent to most things," she said. "They can't vote, they can't drive, they can't sign contracts. But they can generate valuable behavioral data. It would be irresponsible not to collect it."

As CES 2026 wrapped up, attendees filtered out of the Las Vegas Convention Center clutching press kits and complimentary smart water bottles (which, yes, track hydration). The general consensus was that this year's show represented a bold new era of innovation, or at least a bold new era of surveillance marketed as innovation.

"I'm excited to go home and tell my kids about all the new ways they'll be monitored," said attendee Brad Morrison, a tech blogger who had just spent four hours playing with a robot that follows you around your house. "The future is really here."

Lego's Smart Brick sets are expected to ship in Spring 2026. The company recommends that parents read the full Terms of Service before purchase, though internal analytics suggest that approximately 0.003% of users actually do this. "We're comfortable with those numbers," said Andersen. "Very comfortable."