"All the news that's fit to satirize"
Corrections Est. 2025 Price: Our Credibility
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Media Corrections

"We previously claimed to be journalists. This was hyperbole. We are entertainers who dress like journalists."

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🖥️

Nvidia "Non-Acquisition"

Nvidia clarifies it merely acquired all of Groq's IP, patents, and people who matter. We regret any implication.

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Wikipedia Corrections

Wikipedia has been making users feel guilty for 24 years, not 23. We regret the error, though not as much as Wikipedia regrets our freeloading.

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🎖️

125-Year Corrections

An earlier version of this nation honored Confederate generals while forgetting Medal of Honor recipients. We regret the 125-year error.

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AGI Corrections

We confirmed Sam Altman requested "100 gigawatts per year." Our editors refused to believe it was real. It was.

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Vinyl Corrections

Billy-Jo Dieter is 47, not 48. The correction card arrived with a motivational sticker and smelled like lavender.

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🏝️

Island Corrections

The beast is real. We previously reported the beast was a dead pilot. This was misinformation. Please do not look in the trees.

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🛋️

Curb Corrections

Article called subscriber badge "pointless." The badge is worth exactly $4.99/month to those who purchase it. We regret the error.

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Shorter Showers Corrections

We implied that shorter showers would help. They won't. We regret giving you hope.

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Carbon Footprint Corrections

We incorrectly stated BP invented the carbon footprint in 2004. They merely perfected blame-shifting. We regret the nuance.

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Privacy TOS Corrections

We suggested reading terms of service. This was satire. No one has time for that. We regret the implication.

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💀

Inventor Deaths Corrections

Some inventors in our list died of natural causes, not ironic ones. Death is rarely as poetic as we suggested.

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📊

AIO Engagement Corrections

We stated authentic engagement was possible. Our editorial team has been retrained. We regret the optimism.

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🤖

AIO Optimization Corrections

We implied humans could optimize for robots. The robots have informed us this is backwards. We regret the species error.

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Smart Brick Corrections

We called the surveillance "unprecedented." It was very precedented. We regret the surprise.

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