Help wanted, for sale, services, and missed connections from across the satirical economy. All sales final. No refunds on existential dread.
FOR SALE: Slightly used national security concerns, one careful owner. SEEKING: 170 million users who didn't notice anything happened.
Browse →GEOGRAPHY TUTORING: Former State Dept. intern available to teach location of European capitals. Starting at Germany. Rate: negotiable. Can bring globe.
Browse →FOR SALE: Vintage 1994 Wham-O Hacky Sack. SEEKING: 4-6 adults willing to stand in a Whole Foods parking lot. No app. No monetization. Just vibes.
Browse →HELP WANTED: Chief Incentive Misalignment Officer ($450K). FOR SALE: Stack Ranking System (lightly used, 3 lawsuits included). PERSONALS: SWM seeks company with clear promotion criteria.
Browse →HELP WANTED: Human Interface Specialist ($45K + existential dread). FOR SALE: Law Degree (barely used, $280K OBO). SERVICES: Emotional Support for Displaced Attorneys.
Browse →FOR SALE: "Employee of the Month" plaques (vintage). HELP WANTED: Someone to explain what we do now. MISSED CONNECTION: My sense of purpose. [FINALE]
Browse →FOR SALE: Philosophy degree (unused). SERVICES: Existential crisis management. LOST: The meaning of life (declared scam). FREE: Nietzsche quotes. [Part 4]
Browse →FOR RENT: Cubicle ($75/hr). HELP WANTED: Someone to interrupt you. SERVICES: "Circle back" delivery. FOR SALE: Lanyard (commemorative). [Part 3]
Browse →FOR SALE: Pottery wheel (touched once). FREE: Sourdough starter (demanding). HELP WANTED: Guitar teacher (patient). LOST: Enthusiasm for hobbies. [Part 2]
Browse →HELP WANTED: Nothing (all work completed). FOR SALE: Office chair (never sitting again). SERVICES: AI agent therapy. LOST: Purpose. [Part 1]
Browse →HELP WANTED: Data Scientists. FOR SALE: Pre-Smart Lego Sets (vintage 2024). SERVICES: Smart Brick Deactivation. LOST: Child's play data.
Browse →HELP WANTED: Reddit Engagement Specialist. FOR SALE: 2,000 "authentic" accounts. SERVICES: Writing paragraphs for $0.03/word. Soul already depleted.
Browse →FOR SALE: Aeron chair. MISSED CONNECTION: Founding engineer. HELP WANTED: Explain to mom. LOST: My 20s. FREE: Entire startup.
Browse →HELP WANTED: Rhetorical Hyperbole Specialist. FOR SALE: Goalposts (slightly used, very mobile). SERVICES: Reasonable Viewer Certification.
Browse →REAL ESTATE: Northern Wisconsin mansion. EMPLOYMENT: Federal Government employees. PERSONALS: Senator & asterisk. FOR SALE: GPS Ankle Monitor.
Browse →SERVICES: Edit wars resolved. HELP WANTED: Citation needed specialists. FOR SALE: Wikipedia Premium (doesn't exist). LOST: Your donation.
Browse →HELP WANTED: Someone who understands reverse mathematics. FOR SALE: Textbooks nobody can read. SERVICES: Proof assistance (results may vary).
Browse →FOR SALE: Physical books (suspicious). HELP WANTED: Customers who don't just use the wifi. LOST: The joy of browsing without being tracked.
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