"All the news that's fit to satirize"
Polls Est. 2025 Price: Your Opinion
ðŸŠĶ

Who Killed the Authentic Internet?

Was it the platforms? The consultants? The users? All of the above? Or is the question itself optimized incorrectly? Results will be absorbed without attribution.

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⛷ïļ

Artificial Snow Ethics Poll

Is skiing on artificial snow while the climate collapses... "Fine, actually," "A metaphor I'm choosing not to examine," "The most American thing I've ever heard," or "Making me feel things I don't want to feel"?

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ðŸŽŊ

BP Blame Assignment Poll

Who is MOST responsible for the climate crisis? Options include "100 companies," "You, specifically," and "That guy who left his car idling in 2019."

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ðŸŒĄïļ

Climate Responsibility Poll

Who should be responsible for solving climate change? Options include "100 companies," "You specifically," and "Whoever owns the most towels."

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Data Privacy Poll

How do you feel about data privacy? Options include "I've read every TOS," "I click accept without reading," and "Privacy is dead, embrace the void."

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Ohio THC Study Poll

Should we be concerned about the methodology? Options include "Yes," "What methodology?", and "I didn't read the article but have strong opinions."

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Ticket Pricing Acceptance Poll

How do you feel about paying $300 for nosebleed seats? Options include "This is fine," "Everything is fine," and "I have simply stopped wanting things."

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Privacy Hypocrisy Poll

Is it ironic when the most surveilled person in America lectures you about your privacy? Sample size: Everyone who noticed.

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Lottery Odds Poll

What's your strategy for winning the lottery? "Play more," "Play less," "Understand probability," or "Probability is a social construct."

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Inventor Deaths Poll

Which inventor's death was the most preventable? Options include "All of them" and "Hubris is its own reward."

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Robot Writing Poll

What do you miss most about writing for humans? Options include "Having readers," "Creative freedom," and "What's 'for humans'?"

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ðŸ•ĩïļ

Authenticity Poll

Should you be your authentic self at work? HR says yes. Your interrogator says no. We're just asking questions here.

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Supreme Court Poll

Who should the Supreme Court serve? Options include "The Constitution," "Corporate donors," and "Whoever bought them lunch."

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Surveillance Irony Poll

What action makes you the biggest collaborator with the surveillance state? Options ranked by cognitive dissonance.

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Beat Generation Poll

Was the Beat Generation onto something? Timothy Leary's CVS receipt has thoughts. Tune in, turn on, drop out (of the survey).

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Privacy TOS Poll

How many terms of service have you actually read? Options include "Zero," "Parts of one, once," and "I have transcended reading."

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Inventor Safety Poll

Should inventors be required to test their inventions on themselves? Options include "Only if they're confident" and "Especially if they're confident."

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AIO Optimization Poll

How optimized is your content for AI consumption? Options include "Fully atomized" and "My paragraphs have structural integrity."

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Supreme Court Satisfaction Poll

How satisfied are you with your Supreme Court experience? Results weighted by donation tier.

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ðŸ“đ

Surveillance Irony Poll

Is there any remaining irony in politicians discussing privacy while being surveilled? We ran out of irony in 2019.

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