Your opinion matters, sort of. Results scientifically meaningless but emotionally satisfying. Margin of error: Yes.
The city (36%), The state (0%), The goats, in brush (0%), Someone, as long as it isn't a tax (64%). Results certified. Ballots subsequently eaten.
Vote →Yes, No, Only for “indivisible,” I’d like to reserve my answer. Results subject to such other conditions as may arise from time to time.
Vote →My mother (71%), My boss, your mother (18%), The weather, your mother's favorite topic (9%), The president, redirected to your mother (2%). All responses forwarded to your mother.
Vote →The Strongly Worded Letter, the same but with more signatures, The Follow-Up Letter, The Subpoena (write-in). Votes received: 1 (yours). Votes counted: pending.
Vote →The refrigerator, The doorbell, The mirror, The blender (97%). Your answer is anonymous to everyone except your house.
Vote →Yes, obviously. Yes, with Circl Plus. Yes, free for the first month. I'd like to manage my subscription. Results available after upgrade.
Vote →The students, The faculty, The dean, Nobody. It is software. Votes are tallied by the AI that entered the room, and “Nobody” does not count.
Vote →The other side, The other side but worse, Them, Whoever is reading this over my shoulder, Me, a little. Both parties have already declared victory.
Vote →Yes, all of it. Yes, mine. Yes, but not that. Yes, after review. Every vote is reassigned to “Yes, mine.”
Vote →Russian bots, Bots pretending to be Russian bots, My brother-in-law (a Russian bot), Real people with different views. Results total 300%.
Vote →The other side, Those people, Them mostly, Me possibly. Results are shown only to people who voted the same way you did.
Vote →Me, Me definitely, Me after the 6:14 a.m. notification, A company (Premium only). Results licensed to our partners.
Vote →Texas, since it's nearby (44%), The ocean floor (31%), The past, since it went great (25%), Nobody (0%, reassigned to Texas). Total votes: 84,000,000,000.
Vote →Vibes, A feeling, The energy, A guy on a podcast, Fundamentals (reclassified as Vibes by the Office of Sentiment Accounting).
Vote →Corporate earnings, Federal Reserve guidance, Tweets Per Percentage Point (94%), Whatever my brother-in-law is doing. Results may be revised by a post.
Vote →No. No, and it's not a close question. It's not a visit, it's a conversation (100%). Every vote is recorded as a conversation.
Vote →When I’m dead, After this quarter, On a Tuesday (2014), Right now during this poll. 41,212 votes, most cast between 2 and 4 a.m.
Vote →A gray box, A gray box on my phone, A gray box read aloud by my car, I clicked through to the article. Your answer will be summarized before you finish giving it.
Vote →“lol.” “lmao” “even.” The fourth word, which I haven’t seen but already agreed to. Your vote is anonymous, as defined in the policy.
Vote →Very confident (100%), Somewhat confident, I was shown a slide, Could someone please point at something. Results will be shared in a future quarter.
Vote →Yes (31%), Yes, on a 36-month plan (38%), Yes, if you can’t afford rent anyway (31%), No, I have not held one (0%).
Vote →A friend, A different friend, Dave, A character in my novel, Me (96%). Votes are anonymous and stored under your name.
Vote →Daily email, Weekly digest, Hourly updates, Please don’t (recorded as Daily email). Your answer helps us serve you better, and more often.
Vote →A little more, More, A lot more (100%), Whatever the algorithm said a year ago. “Less” was removed from the ballot after testing poorly.
Vote →Kinda messed up, Kinda messed up but I own shares, Convenient (I am not an albatross), I am a lighter and would like to speak to someone. Every vote counts as kinda messed up.
Vote →No. No, but in a fun, amenity-forward way. Technically the land is sinking, which is bullish. I am standing in it, and no. Yes (reclassified by the realtor).
Vote →Aesthetics (1%), Privacy from the Gulf of Mexico (1%), He just likes walls (1%), The thing he says isn’t happening (97%). Total votes: 34,000.
Vote →Raise taxes on someone richer than me (0%), Cut benefits for someone younger than me (0%), Form a commission to decide who decides (0%), Wait for the last minute (100%). Results certified 98–2.
Vote →No, was scrolling (72%), Wait, it changed? (15%), Yes, and I'm devastated (5%), I'm in the 5% who left (3%), I don't use TikTok (5%)
Vote →It's fine, thanks for asking (71%), Concerned but need more data (14%), Erased but I don't notice yet (9%), What is Europe (6%)
Vote →Options include: extraterrestrial evidence, officially documented uncertainty, 847 pages of bureaucrats covering for a 1963 filing error, and a forward recommending follow-up funding. Vote now.
Vote →The Moon (31%), Mars — I still believe (18%), Earth — fix this one first (29%), Wherever Musk says next (15%), It doesn't matter (7%)
Vote →Outraged (38%), Mildly concerned but too tired (41%), Neutral — everyone does it (8%), Flattered (9%), I am TikTok (4%)
Vote →Building community (12%), Avoiding homework (34%), Impressing someone (28%), I genuinely don't know (26%)
Vote →Bad Incentives (94%), Bad People (3%), Bad Luck (2%), or Mercury Retrograde (1%)? 94% chose "Bad Incentives" to signal awareness while changing nothing.
Vote →Who is most responsible for AI taking over the legal profession? Lawyers (89%), Tech Bros (89%), Law Schools (89%), or All of the Above (89%)?
Vote →Are you "Fine, actually," "Also fine, just differently," or "Fine in ways that transcend traditional fineness"? [Life After AI FINALE]
Vote →Now that philosophers have declared meaning a scam, do you agree? Options: "Always suspected," "Still in denial," "Meaning was my whole personality." [Life After AI Part 4]
Vote →How much would you pay to pretend to have a deadline again? Options: "$75/hr," "$150/hr," "$500/hr with someone saying 'circle back'." [Life After AI Part 3]
Vote →Which hobby most spectacularly failed to fill the void? Pottery, guitar, sourdough, or "staring at walls (advanced)"? [Life After AI Part 2]
Vote →All work has been completed forever. How do you feel? Options: "Relieved," "Terrified," "Was checking email my whole personality?" [Life After AI Part 1]
Vote →Was it the platforms? The consultants? The users? All of the above? Or is the question itself optimized incorrectly? Results will be absorbed without attribution.
Vote →Is skiing on artificial snow while the climate collapses... "Fine, actually," "A metaphor I'm choosing not to examine," "The most American thing I've ever heard," or "Making me feel things I don't want to feel"?
Vote →Who is MOST responsible for the climate crisis? Options include "100 companies," "You, specifically," and "That guy who left his car idling in 2019."
Vote →Who should be responsible for solving climate change? Options include "100 companies," "You specifically," and "Whoever owns the most towels."
Vote →How do you feel about data privacy? Options include "I've read every TOS," "I click accept without reading," and "Privacy is dead, embrace the void."
Vote →Should we be concerned about the methodology? Options include "Yes," "What methodology?", and "I didn't read the article but have strong opinions."
Vote →How do you feel about paying $300 for nosebleed seats? Options include "This is fine," "Everything is fine," and "I have simply stopped wanting things."
Vote →Is it ironic when the most surveilled person in America lectures you about your privacy? Sample size: Everyone who noticed.
Vote →What's your strategy for winning the lottery? "Play more," "Play less," "Understand probability," or "Probability is a social construct."
Vote →Which inventor's death was the most preventable? Options include "All of them" and "Hubris is its own reward."
Vote →What do you miss most about writing for humans? Options include "Having readers," "Creative freedom," and "What's 'for humans'?"
Vote →Should you be your authentic self at work? HR says yes. Your interrogator says no. We're just asking questions here.
Vote →Who should the Supreme Court serve? Options include "The Constitution," "Corporate donors," and "Whoever bought them lunch."
Vote →What action makes you the biggest collaborator with the surveillance state? Options ranked by cognitive dissonance.
Vote →Was the Beat Generation onto something? Timothy Leary's CVS receipt has thoughts. Tune in, turn on, drop out (of the survey).
Vote →How many terms of service have you actually read? Options include "Zero," "Parts of one, once," and "I have transcended reading."
Vote →Should inventors be required to test their inventions on themselves? Options include "Only if they're confident" and "Especially if they're confident."
Vote →How optimized is your content for AI consumption? Options include "Fully atomized" and "My paragraphs have structural integrity."
Vote →How satisfied are you with your Supreme Court experience? Results weighted by donation tier.
Vote →Is there any remaining irony in politicians discussing privacy while being surveilled? We ran out of irony in 2019.
Vote →