WASHINGTON — Citing decades of carefully developed hold music, unexplained delays and the practice of promising the same thing to more people than could possibly receive it, a coalition of the nation's largest airlines filed a federal lawsuit Thursday accusing the United States Congress of copying its customer service model "seat for seat."

The 212-page complaint, filed in Fort Worth by the Coalition of Carriers for Passenger Excellence, says lawmakers spent years "studying our gate areas, our call centers and our apology templates" before rolling out what the filing calls "an unlicensed replica of the American air travel experience, minus the pretzels." The coalition chose Texas, its lawyers said, because the city has a large airport and they "have a good feeling about the appeals."

They have reason to. A federal appeals court in New Orleans has already thrown out the government's rule requiring airlines to show bag and seat fees up front, after the industry sued over how it was written. The Department of Transportation has since withdrawn a proposal that would have made airlines pay passengers $200 to $775 for long delays. "We have spent a great deal of money ensuring that nobody is compensated for anything," said Dana Whitcombe-Ruiz, the coalition's vice president for passenger sentiment. "Congress has achieved the same result without spending anything. That is not competition. That is theft."

"We have spent a great deal of money ensuring that nobody is compensated for anything."

The complaint lists six counts. Count I concerns the phones. According to the filing, a Senate office's voicemail box holds about 1,000 messages before it is full, after which callers hear a busy signal. The airlines say the system is "a direct lift of our 'all agents are currently assisting other customers' architecture," which the industry spent 30 years refining until it could hold a caller for 94 minutes without technically saying no.

Advertisement
Priority Representation™
Skip the line at your congressional office. Board before Group 9, enjoy an extra 4 inches of legislative legroom, and have your concerns stowed in an overhead bin we promise to open someday. Available at the $3,500 tier.
"Your vote is important to us. Your check is more important to us."

☎️ Constituent Services Hotline

Exhibit 4 · Reconstructed from the complaint · Calls may be monitored for quality, and then ignored

Call your representative about the issue of your choice. Listen carefully, as our menu options have recently changed, and will change again.

Dialing (202) 224-3121… Thank you for calling the office of your representative. Press 1 to support a bill. Press 2 to oppose a bill. Press 3 for refunds. Press 4 to change your issue. Press 5 for priority service. Press 0 to speak to a representative.
—
Place in line
0:00
Time on hold
996/1,000
Voicemail box
0
Calls returned

Your place in line is updated in real time and may go up. Callers who reach a representative will be told the representative is assisting donors. The airlines' version of this hotline played Gershwin. Congress's plays a C-SPAN quorum call.

Count II is overbooking. Airlines have long sold more tickets than a plane has seats, on the theory that some passengers will not show up. Congress, the complaint says, "sells each seat to at least four groups, on the theory that none of them will be checking." Exhibit 9 is a campaign mailer promising lower prices, child care and a balanced budget, which the coalition says "would require an aircraft that does not exist and a runway that goes uphill."

Count III covers gate changes, which the filing defines as "moving the thing a person is walking toward while they are walking toward it." Count IV covers boarding groups. The coalition says it invented the idea that people who pay more should get on first, but that Congress "took it further than we ever dared," letting donors board before the flight is announced, followed by "donors who need a little extra time," while constituents wait in Group 9 for a plane that has already pushed back.

Advertisement
Basic Economy Citizenship™
All the rights of a full citizen, unbundled. One personal opinion included. A second opinion is $45 at the gate. Seat assignment at the discretion of the redistricting committee.
"Fees may apply. Fees will apply."

The most serious charge is Count V, which the coalition calls "the ground stop." During the 43-day government shutdown in the fall of 2025, the longest in history, air traffic controllers worked without pay and staffing ran short, and the Federal Aviation Administration ordered airlines to cut flights at 40 of the nation's busiest airports. "For six weeks, Congress delayed us," the complaint reads. "We have never been so insulted in our lives. Delay is our product."

Count VI accuses Democrats of poaching. Last week the incoming majority hired a former gate agent with 19 years of experience to lead its new Office of Expectation Management, where she has already marked child care DELAYED and Medicare for All OVERBOOKED. The filing calls her "a trade secret with a lanyard." "We trained Brenda to say 'soon' convincingly," Whitcombe-Ruiz said. "That took a decade. She does it now for the federal government, and she does it beautifully. We would like her back, or a royalty."

The coalition is asking for $4.1 billion in damages, plus a $35 checked-grievance fee on each count, and an injunction ordering Congress to deliver at least one thing on time "so that consumers can tell us apart."

Telling them apart is getting harder. Travelers file tens of thousands of complaints with the Transportation Department every year, most of them about refunds, delays and bags. Congress, for its part, has spent most of the decade with an approval rating somewhere below one in five, a load factor no airline would tolerate. "Both groups take your money up front, change the schedule after you've committed and tell you there was weather," said Harlan Oduya, a professor at the Institute for Comparative Disappointment. "The only real difference is that an airline eventually lands."

⚖️ Airline Or Congress?

The court's own test · Exhibits 11 through 18

The judge has asked both parties to identify who said what. Neither could. Now it's your turn.

Exhibit 11 of 18Correct: 0 · Also correct: 0

Every answer is correct, which the court has found is the problem. Results are not admissible and will not be compensated. Exhibit order subject to change without notice.

Congressional leaders responded within the hour with a joint statement. "We take this lawsuit very seriously," it read. "Your lawsuit is important to us. Please stay on the line, and a member of our team will be with you shortly." The complaint was referred to the Judiciary Committee, which scheduled a hearing for the spring, then moved it to "later in the session, subject to availability."

A senior aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he had been on hold with his own office since Tuesday, said Congress plans to argue prior art. "The filibuster is a tarmac delay that's lasted since 1806," he said. "We were keeping people on the tarmac with no water and no updates before the Wright brothers were born. If anyone's copying anyone, it's them."

Legal experts said the case could take years. "Whoever wins, the passenger loses," Oduya said. "That's the model they're fighting over."

Advertisement
Gate Agent Voice™ Masterclass
Learn to say "We're just waiting on some paperwork" with no detectable emotion. Taught by a 19-year veteran now on loan to the federal government. Seats limited. Seats oversold.
"We appreciate your patience. We are counting on it."

At press time, the court had set oral arguments for 9 a.m. Monday, then pushed them to 11:40 a.m. because of an earlier case arriving late. Both parties were issued $12 meal vouchers redeemable only at the courthouse Cinnabon, which closes at 11.