Mayor Posts 'Miami Beach Is Safe Haven For Everyone,' Sends Police To Woman Who Replied

MIAMI BEACH — In what officials are describing as a routine "conversation" and civil liberties attorneys are describing as "exactly what it looks like," two Miami Beach police officers arrived at a resident's home Monday to discuss a Facebook comment she allegedly posted about the mayor, opening the interaction by assuring her she was "not going to jail" before she had asked.

The visit came in response to a comment on Mayor Steven Meiner's January 6th post declaring that "Miami Beach is a safe haven for everyone"—a statement now understood to contain one asterisk and one woman who replied to it.

Raquel Pacheco, a former political candidate and six-year National Guard veteran, recorded the encounter, during which officers read her alleged comment aloud, including the notation "clown face, clown face, clown face" delivered with the gravity of a man entering evidence in a capital murder trial.

"What we're just trying to prevent is someone else getting agitated or agreeing with the statement," one officer explained, citing the landmark legal precedent of Vibes v. Your Facebook. The officer warned that political criticism of elected officials "can probably incite somebody to do something"—a standard legal experts confirmed the department appears to have invented during the drive over.

When reached for comment, the Miami Beach Police Department declined to clarify whether they have established a dedicated "Someone Was Mean Online" task force, which is not a no.

The officers, who arrived in an unmarked vehicle and were not in full uniform—the official dress code of "just a conversation"—explained they were not there to arrest Pacheco, just to make her feel like she could be, which is completely different.

"This is freedom of speech," Pacheco told the officers. "This is America, right?"

The officers did not dispute this characterization but advised her to "refrain from posting things like that"—a phrase that legal scholars note joins "nice place you got here" and "we know where you live" in the Implication Hall of Fame.

The entire constitutional crisis was resolved in under three minutes, less time than it takes to microwave a Hot Pocket, after which the officers departed and Pacheco immediately posted about the encounter on Facebook, suggesting the wellness check may not have achieved its intended effect.

Pacheco, who spent six years in the Connecticut National Guard, told reporters she was "heartbroken" to discover that the Constitution she swore to defend apparently comes with Terms of Service.

"I'm a US ARMY VETERAN. I ran for office 3 times," she wrote on Facebook. "If they can send the cops to my door for something I said, they can do it to YOU."

Mayor Meiner's office did not respond to requests for comment on whether the mayor had flagged the comment to police, maintaining the sort of plausible deniability usually reserved for mob bosses and HOA presidents.

The woman's alleged crime: suggesting that a politician who vocally supports a war supports a war.

Miranda rights were not read during the encounter because, officers explained, this was technically just a "conversation"—in the same way a shark circling you is technically just "swimming."

Civil liberties attorney Miriam Haskell of the Community Justice Project called the visit "a textbook example of using law enforcement to chill protected speech," adding that "we should now be extremely alarmed."

"These police were sent to intimidate her and chill dissent, plain and simple," Haskell said, before presumably looking around to make sure no one was writing down her statement.

The incident has raised questions about the appropriate use of police resources, with critics noting that the two officers, one unmarked car, zero crimes, three clown emojis, and under-three-minute visit represents either a remarkably efficient constitutional violation or the world's most passive-aggressive wellness check.

At press time, the Miami Beach Police Department was reportedly developing a new training module titled "So Someone Posted Something Mean About Your Mayor" and considering whether to add emoji interpretation to the academy curriculum.