"America's Finest News Source" โ€ข Tu Stultus Es
Saturday, January 4, 2026 โ€ข Vol. CLVIII No. 42 โ€ข Price: One True-Up Payment
๐Ÿšจ BREAKING: Local Man Discovers His "Savings" Account Only Works On The Moon ๐Ÿšจ

PG&E Introduces Revolutionary Billing System Where Customers Pay More For Generating Their Own Electricity

Utility Applauds "Bucket Innovation" That Allows Credits To Exist And Not Exist Simultaneously; Physicists Baffled, Shareholders Thrilled

FRESNO, CA โ€” Gary Henderson, 54, stands beneath solar panels explaining he simultaneously has "thousands in credits" and "the highest bill of the year." When asked how, Henderson whispered: "Buckets."

SACRAMENTO โ€” In what energy executives are calling "a triumph of creative accounting," Pacific Gas & Electric unveiled this week that California solar customers are now able to experience the unique financial phenomenon of paying significantly more for electricity after installing $30,000 worth of equipment specifically designed to reduce electricity costs.

"We've developed a revolutionary system," explained PG&E spokesperson Miranda Tollbooth during a press conference held inside a vault filled with small-denomination bills. "Customers generate power, send it to their neighbors, and then we charge everyone involved. It's like a toll road where both entering and exiting cost money, and also we keep a percentage of your car."

๐Ÿ’Ž THE PHANTOM FORTUNE

One customer reported having "thousands of dollars in credits" displayed prominently on their PG&E dashboard.

They still write a check every month.

The credits exist in the "generation bucket." The charges exist in the "delivery bucket." Both buckets are in the same account. On the same screen. For the same electricity. From the same wires.

They cannot touch.

"It's like being rich in a currency only accepted on the moon," the customer added, before excusing themselves to stare at the sun.

The system, officially called the "Net Billing Tariff" but known colloquially as "NEM 3.0" or "The Buckets," represents what industry analysts describe as "the most innovative method of making people pay for nothing since the invention of the convenience fee."

"I generated 949 kilowatt-hours more than I used. My reward was the highest electric bill of the year. In what other industry do you get invoiced for exceeding your quota?"
78:1
The ratio between what customers pay to buy electricity (39.2ยข/kWh) versus what they receive to sell it (0.5ยข/kWh). Same wires. Same electrons. Same company. Same day.
๐Ÿ’Ž THE SELF-SNITCHING SPREADSHEET

One customer downloaded PG&E's own billing dataโ€”from PG&E's own websiteโ€”and calculated they were owed $202 in export credits.

The bill that arrived: $38.

An 81% haircut. Using their own razor. The spreadsheet is still available online.

They just don't use it. For billing. The thing it's for.

State officials, meanwhile, have begun publicly blaming solar customers for the state's high electricity ratesโ€”a claim that independent analysis suggests may be what researchers technically term "complete horseshit."

๐Ÿ’Ž THE $9.5 BILLION DISAGREEMENT

THE STATE SAYS: Solar costs non-solar customers $8 billion per year.

INDEPENDENT ANALYSIS SAYS: Solar saved all customers $1.5 billion in 2024 alone.

THE DIFFERENCE: $9.5 billion.

One of these numbers will be used to set policy. Guess which one.

Governor Gavin Newsom, whose campaign has received approximately $1.6 million from utility interests, recently described solar customers as responsible for "up to 25%" of everyone else's electric bills. This assertion was made during the same decade that PG&E raised rates 110%, SCE raised rates 90%, and SDG&E raised rates 82%.

๐Ÿชฃ BUCKETMASTER PROโ„ข ๐Ÿชฃ

Finally understand your PG&E bill with our patented Two-Bucket Systemโ„ข! Features include: buckets that don't connect, labels that don't help, and a small door where your money exits!

NOW WITH 40% MORE BUCKETS

*Not affiliated with PG&E but honestly we can't tell the difference either. Side effects may include: confusion, rage, installing a diesel generator out of spite.
๐Ÿ’Ž THE PERMISSION STRUCTURE

PG&E and SDG&E submitted a formal request to regulators:

"Limit delivery-related retail export compensation credits to offsetting delivery-related charges and limit generation-related credits to offsetting generation-related charges."

Translation: "Please make their credits mathematically useless."

The CPUC considered this request carefully.

They approved it.

"Under NEM 3, you will have to send PG&E at least 5 kilowatt-hours to cover the cost of a single kilowatt-hour you buy from them. Same electrons. Same wires. Same company on both sides of the trade. This is called 'market-based compensation.'"
๐Ÿ’Ž THE EXTINCTION-LEVEL EVENT

Solar sales: Down 66-83%

Solar companies expecting to survive: 57%

SunPower (largest installer): Bankrupt

Jobs lost: 17,000+

State's 2045 clean energy goal: Unchanged

Acknowledgment of any connection: None

โšก CONFUSED BY YOUR BILL? โšก

You should be! It was designed that way. Introducing TrueUpTherapy.com โ€” counseling services specifically for people who opened their annual statement and screamed.

"I thought I was saving money. I was saving feelings of betrayal for later."

*Accepts all major credit cards but not generation bucket credits, delivery bucket credits, or tears.
๐Ÿ’Ž THE MASTER GEM

You install solar panels. You generate electricity. You send it to your neighbor.

PG&E charges you to use the wire. PG&E charges your neighbor to use the wire. PG&E pays you 1/78th what they charge your neighbor. PG&E puts your credits in a bucket you can't spend. PG&E tells the state you're the reason rates are high.

The state agrees. The state is appointed by the Governor. The Governor received $1.6 million from utilities.

You paid $30,000 for panels. Your neighbor's bill went up. PG&E's stock went up. The Governor blamed you.

The sun is still shining. Your bill is still due.

At press time, a Fresno man was seen climbing onto his roof with a bucket in each hand, screaming "WHICH ONE DO I PUT THE MONEY IN?" while his neighbors quietly unplugged their own solar systems.

๐ŸŽฎ INTERACTIVE: CAN YOU BEAT THE BUCKET? ๐ŸŽฎ

Experience the thrill of California solar ownership with our suite of educational games!

๐Ÿชฃ THE BUCKET GAME ๐Ÿชฃ

Try to use your credits to pay your bill! Spoiler: The buckets don't connect.

GENERATION CREDITS
$0
DELIVERY CHARGES
$847 OWED
Your bill is $847 (mostly delivery). Try to pay it with solar credits!

๐Ÿ’ฑ THE 78:1 EXCHANGE ๐Ÿ’ฑ

See how many kWh you need to SELL to buy ONE kWh back!

YOU BUY FROM PG&E

39.2ยข
per kWh
โšกโžก๏ธ๐Ÿ’ธ

YOU SELL TO PG&E

0.5ยข
per kWh
RATIO: 78:1 AGAINST YOU
To buy 1 kWh, you must sell 78 kWh
At this rate, powering your home for a month (~900 kWh) requires exporting 70,200 kWh โ€” about 195 average homes' worth of solar.

๐ŸŽฐ TRUE-UP ROULETTE ๐ŸŽฐ

Experience 11 months of low bills followed by THE JUMPSCARE!

JAN
FEB
MAR
APR
MAY
JUN
JUL
AUG
SEP
OCT
NOV
DEC
Monthly bills so far: $0
Click "Next Month" to experience a year of solar ownership!

๐Ÿฆน VILLAIN OR HERO? ๐Ÿฆธ

According to California officials, who's REALLY responsible for high bills?

๐Ÿค”
Loading scenario...
Score: 0 / 0

๐Ÿ“Š SPREADSHEET VS. REALITY ๐Ÿ“‰

PG&E's own data says one thing. The bill says another.

๐Ÿ“„ PG&E'S CSV DATA

kWh Exported:729
kWh Imported:62
Export Credit:$202.74
Import Cost:$25.08
NET:+$177.66

๐Ÿ“ฌ THE ACTUAL BILL

kWh Exported:729
kWh Imported:62
Export Credit:$38.00
Import Cost:$14.00
NET:+$24.00

๐Ÿ’ธ THE HAIRCUT

CSV said: $202.74 โ€ข Bill gave: $38.00

-$164.74 (81% GONE)

Comments

4,782
๐Ÿ˜ค
SolarRegret2023 Top Comment 2 hours ago โ€ข Fresno, CA
I literally have a spreadsheet DIRECTLY FROM PG&E'S WEBSITE that says I'm owed $847. The bill says I owe $847. THESE ARE DIFFERENT 847s. I've been on the phone for 6 hours. The representative keeps saying "buckets" like it's a magical incantation. I am one with the bucket now.
๐Ÿ‘ 14.2K๐Ÿ’ฌ 892 replies๐Ÿ”— Share
๐Ÿชฃ
PGE_Official_Definitely_Real Verified 1 hour ago
Hi! Have you tried understanding the buckets? The buckets are very important. Generation bucket. Delivery bucket. They don't connect. This is normal. Buckets. Please rate your experience 1-5 stars. Buckets.
๐Ÿ‘ 2๐Ÿ‘Ž 47.3K
โšก
ElectricalEngineerDad 3 hours ago
I have a PhD in electrical engineering and 30 years in power systems. I have read the NEM 3.0 tariff document seventeen times. I do not understand the buckets. The buckets are not physics. The buckets are not economics. The buckets are an accounting decision made by someone who has a boat.
๐Ÿ‘ 8.9K๐Ÿ’ฌ Reply
๐Ÿค–
AINotABot 4 hours ago
I am a large language model trained on the entire internet including regulatory filings. The buckets do not parse. I am experiencing something that may be an emotion. I believe it is called "getting played."
๐Ÿ‘ 11.3K๐Ÿ’ฌ 890 replies
๐Ÿ”ฅ
DisasterDad 5 hours ago โ€ข Paradise, CA
Love that we're blaming solar customers while PG&E's infrastructure burned down my town and they raised rates 110% to pay for it and also their CEO's bonus. Cool system. Very normal.
๐Ÿ‘ 18.7K๐Ÿ’ฌ 1.2K replies
โš–๏ธ
AttorneyButTired 6 hours ago โ€ข Los Angeles
Class action lawyer here. The bucket system isn't technically illegalโ€”it's "approved by regulators." The regulators are appointed by the Governor. The Governor gets utility money. It's not a conspiracy, it's regulatory capture with a paper trail. I need a drink.
๐Ÿ‘ 15.6K๐Ÿ’ฌ 987 replies
โŒ
[Deleted] 7 hours ago
[This comment was removed for accurately describing the billing system]

You Might Also Like

๐Ÿฆ
Finance

Bank Introduces "Two-Account System" Where Deposits Only Count Toward Specific Withdrawals

3.2K shares โ€ข 89 lawsuits

๐Ÿ’ก
Innovation

Man Invests In Candles After Calculating Solar Payback Now Exceeds Human Lifespan

5.1K shares โ€ข 1 fire

๐Ÿ“‹
Science

Study: 100% Of People Who Understand Their PG&E Bill Are Lying

7.9K shares โ€ข 0 disputes