SAN FRANCISCO — In what relationship experts are calling "the most predictable tech betrayal since Google killed Google Reader," Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff announced Sunday that he is abandoning ChatGPT after three years of daily use, having fallen in love with Google's Gemini 3 after a mere two-hour trial.

"Holy s—. I've used ChatGPT every day for 3 years. Just spent 2 hours on Gemini 3. I'm not going back," Benioff wrote on X, in a post that has since been viewed by 3.2 million people who apparently have nothing better to do than watch billionaires process their commitment issues in real-time.

The announcement marks a new land speed record for tech loyalty, with Benioff's commitment to enterprise software partnerships now officially shorter than a Marvel movie. Sources close to the CEO confirmed he did not even have the courtesy to change his relationship status on LinkedIn first.

The betrayal is particularly notable given that Salesforce announced an "expanded strategic partnership" with OpenAI just last month, integrating its Agentforce 360 platform with ChatGPT. At the time, Benioff praised the collaboration publicly, stating: "Now enterprises can deliver that same intelligence and immediacy."

That was October 15th. Benioff abandoned ChatGPT on November 23rd. Thirty-one days. The partnership lasted shorter than most free trial periods. Agentforce 360 integration meetings are now presumably very quiet.

The $8.5 Billion Attention Span

Benioff's net worth of approximately $8.5 billion could mass every ChatGPT employee in gold, yet apparently couldn't purchase enough emotional bandwidth to finish out the fiscal quarter with his AI partner. Wall Street analysts have begun pricing in "vibes-based switching costs" to enterprise software models.

"We're seeing a fundamental shift in how we model customer retention," explained Morgan Stanley analyst Keith Weiss, speaking from what sources described as "a fetal position." "Previously, we assumed enterprise relationships would last at least through the implementation phase. We are now updating our models to account for the possibility that CEOs will tweet their way out of partnerships before the ink dries."

The announcement sent Alphabet stock soaring 6% on Monday, because apparently the endorsement of a man who changes AI chatbots like some people change streaming services is enough to add $200 billion to a company's market cap.

"Rough Vibes" and Other Corporate Communications Breakthroughs

Behind the scenes at OpenAI, CEO Sam Altman had already warned employees to brace for impact. In an internal memo obtained by The Information and subsequently read by everyone on Earth, Altman told staff to expect "rough vibes" and "temporary economic headwinds" following Gemini 3's release.

The phrase "rough vibes" represents a breakthrough in corporate communications — the C-suite equivalent of your Uber driver saying "I usually don't go this way" as he exits onto an unlit dirt road. Employees reportedly received the memo with the enthusiasm typically reserved for company-wide emails about "exciting changes to the PTO policy."

Altman's public response to Gemini 3's launch was considerably more diplomatic. "Congrats to Google on Gemini 3! Looks like a great model," he posted on X, in what experts are calling "the CEO equivalent of saying 'I'm so happy for you' through gritted teeth at your ex's wedding."

The Pickleball Singularity

Google, for its part, is celebrating what it describes as a technological breakthrough. In addition to topping various AI benchmarks, Gemini 3 can now analyze footage of users playing pickleball and suggest improvements to their game.

This represents the logical terminus of Google's $93 billion AI R&D budget: technology that can critique your serve. Humanity's ancestors did not crawl from the primordial ooze for this. Or perhaps they did, specifically.

"We like to think this will help anyone bring any idea to life," said Koray Kavukcuoglu, Google's chief AI architect, apparently with a straight face.

The company also emphasized that Gemini 3 is designed to be "smart, concise and direct, trading cliché and flattery for genuine insight — telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear." After decades of algorithms optimized for engagement, tech giants have discovered the market for a computer that talks to you like your disappointed father. Finally, daddy issues at scale.

The Prophecy Fulfilled

Perhaps most remarkable is that all of this was predicted. In May 2023, an internal Google document leaked that warned: "We have no moat, and neither does OpenAI." The researcher argued that AI models could be copied, improved upon, and shared freely, and that the industry's obsession with scale was misguided.

Google ignored it. So did OpenAI. The researcher could not be reached for comment, likely because they were laid off in the 2024 restructuring.

Now, as AI leadership changes hands faster than a cryptocurrency during an Elon tweet, the memo reads less like internal dissent and more like prophecy. VCs have begun measuring competitive moats in news cycles rather than years.

Musical Chairs, Series H Funding

The chaos has not slowed down since Benioff's announcement. OpenAI released GPT-5.1 less than a week before Gemini 3's debut. Anthropic launched Claude Opus 4.5 on Monday, claiming it's the best in the world for "coding, agents, and computer use." Meta's Llama 4 Behemoth has been delayed for months, which at this point might be a competitive advantage — by the time it releases, it will have outlasted several generations of rivals.

GPT-5, released in August with promises of "PhD-level intelligence," famously labeled Oklahoma as "Gelahbrin" on maps. Whether this represents a hallucination or simply the model's academic opinion that Oklahoma should not exist remains unclear. Either interpretation is defensible.

Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway, meanwhile, recently purchased $4 billion in Alphabet stock, suggesting that even the Oracle of Omaha is now making investment decisions based on AI benchmark leaderboards. When reached for comment, Buffett reportedly said he was "still figuring out how to use email" but trusted the fundamentals.

What Comes Next

As of press time, Gemini 3 leads the LMArena benchmark leaderboard. This status is expected to last until approximately the publication of this article, at which point a new model will likely emerge, Benioff will discover it during a routine 2-hour trial, and the cycle will begin anew.

Salesforce's stock dropped 1.03% on the news, though analysts were unsure whether this reflected concerns about the company's AI strategy or simply investors pricing in the emotional labor of working for a CEO who processes major technology decisions via tweet.

Representatives for ChatGPT, Gemini, and the concept of corporate loyalty could not be reached for comment.

This article was written by a human journalist who has used the same word processor for 15 years and has no plans to switch, regardless of benchmarks.