Brooklyn, NY — In what civil liberties experts are calling "the most chilling example of cancel culture since that guy got fired for not liking cilantro," a local bearded man has become the target of an elaborate, months-long poster campaign accusing him of harboring anti-gnome sentiments. His crime? According to the anonymous, coffee-stained manifesto that has appeared on walls throughout the neighborhood: thinking about gnomes.

"The evidence is right there in the thought bubble," explained Dr. Miranda Thoughtcrime, professor of Orwellian Studies at Brooklyn Community College. "The accuser has literally drawn what they imagine is inside this man's head. We've now reached a point in society where your imagined thoughts, as interpreted by an anonymous stranger with a Sharpie, constitute proof of bigotry."

The victim, who cannot be named because literally no one knows who he is except apparently one very committed poster artist, has been identified only by his distinguishing characteristics: a beard, curly hair, an NY-branded shirt, and possession of what appears to be a craft beer. These details, combined with his geographic location, have led experts to conclude this is a "surgical demographic hit" targeting the Brooklyn hipster community.

"Look at the precision," noted marketing analyst Brad Demographic. "The curly hair. The beard. The IPA. This isn't some random attack—someone knows exactly which influencer demographic threatens the gnome industry's market dominance. Follow the money. Follow the ceramic trail."

Indeed, this publication's investigation has uncovered troubling connections between the poster campaign and Big Gnome—the shadowy consortium of lawn ornament manufacturers that controls an estimated 94% of the world's pointy-hat-based outdoor decor market.

"We categorically deny any involvement," said a spokesperson for GnomeCo International, speaking from behind a desk decorated with fourteen gnome figurines. "We would never coordinate a hit piece against someone simply for having opinions about lawn ornaments. That said, everyone should have gnomes. Everyone. Those who don't are... well, the poster speaks for itself, doesn't it?"

Legal experts have raised concerns about the due process implications of trial-by-weathered-poster. "This man has been convicted in the court of public lampposts," said constitutional attorney Jennifer Justice. "His accuser remains anonymous. The 'evidence' consists entirely of what someone drew him thinking. And his denial—the fact that he 'says he doesn't'—is literally presented as proof of guilt. It's a perfect Kafka trap. Deny it? Guilty. Stay silent? Guilty. Like gnomes? Probably just pretending to cover up your gnome hatred."

Perhaps most disturbing is the poster's demand that no one "let him near one." The implication that gnomes—inanimate ceramic objects with an average retail value of $24.99—require protection orders against a specific human being represents what experts call "a new frontier in lawn ornament rights."

"First they came for the gnome skeptics, and I said nothing because I had three gnomes in my garden," said local resident who asked not to be identified. "Then they came for the people who preferred flamingos, and I said nothing because flamingos are tacky. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak, because everyone was too afraid of being called a gnome bigot."

The accused man's current whereabouts are unknown. Sources say he was last seen at a bar, holding a beer, presumably still thinking about gnomes—which, as established, is now a prosecutable offense in the court of anonymous public poster campaigns.

When reached for comment, the man allegedly "said he doesn't" hate gnomes. This denial has been entered into evidence as Exhibit B.

If you or someone you know has been falsely accused of gnome-related thoughtcrimes, the National Anti-Defamation League for the Gnome-Skeptical can be reached at 1-800-NOT-A-GNOME-BIGOT.