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Pre-Seed • Seed • Series A • Desperate • Will Accept Exposure
Due Diligence Report: 20 High-Conviction Plays From This Week's Developer Forums, Including A Hot Chocolate Ordering Platform With 3 Total Users And A Man Who Used GPT-5 To Ask How To Touch Grass
DEAR LIMITED PARTNERS — We are pleased to present this quarter's most compelling investment opportunities, sourced from our proprietary deal flow pipeline (a Sunday afternoon survey of what developers are building). Our thesis remains unchanged: the greatest returns come from founders solving problems they personally created, preferably within the last 72 hours. This quarter's standouts include a production-grade hot chocolate ordering system with Web Push notifications (3 users, infinite potential), and a paradigm-shifting AI wellness platform where GPT-5 teaches users to use less technology.
Total addressable market for "digital minimalism tools built with maximum complexity" is estimated at $47B by 2027. We recommend significant allocation to the following opportunities.
We Asked The World's Most Advanced AI How To Use Less Technology. It Answered.
Revolutionary wellness platform leveraging GPT-5 to generate personalized de-optimization strategies. Our proprietary algorithm analyzes your digital footprint across 47 platforms to recommend which platforms to delete.
"I asked ChatGPT recently how to de-optimize my life. It seems I'm not the only one who wants to go back to the old ways :)"
Features include: AI-generated meditation prompts about not using AI • Machine learning models that predict when you should touch grass • Automated emails reminding you to check email less • Blockchain-verified proof of analog activity
Contact: irony@deoptimize.ai • "The machine will set you free"
Because Walking To The Kitchen Is So 2019
Full-stack Progressive Web Application built on Nuxt 3 with Appwrite backend, featuring real-time Web Push notifications, so your daughter can order hot chocolate from the next room like she's at a fancy café downtown, except you're the barista and the café is your kitchen.
"It is quite nice to have for when my wife comes back from work and wants something specific, or when we are waiting for the visit of a few friends, they can order exactly the available beverages."
Traction: 3 households (one friend "only has alcoholic drinks and snacks on his menu page"). Link available to spam founder's phone with notifications.
Contact: barista@mytinycafe.com • Visit: mytinycafe.com/alix
We Deleted €60/Month of Servers That Served No One
Guided meditation and accountability platform for developers trapped in the hobby server cycle. Our 12-step program helps you confront the seedbox you SSH-tunnel into alone at 2am.
"Didn't really add anything to my life and the upkeep took about an hour every month... None of them were open to the public. All stuff just for myself. It feels freeing."
Includes: Backup grief counseling • "arr-stack anonymous" support groups
Contact: freedom@serverzero.dev
No Social Media. No Streaming. Yes Blog Posts.
Comprehensive dopamine detox challenge with built-in content pipeline. Stop seeking engagement on social media by seeking engagement on your blog and developer forums instead.
"No social Media. No news. No video streaming services. No electronic music. The first days were so hard but now I'm getting used to it. I documented it here: [link]"
The detox must be documented. The documentation must be shared. The shares generate dopamine. This is fine.
Contact: definitely-not-seeking-engagement@detox.december
Waybar Integration For Your Bolognese
CLI interval timer featuring: verbose mode with live countdown • pause/resume with UNIX signals • JSON output mode for Waybar integration • color-coded status indicators • published to Arch User Repository.
"The idea came from cooking bolognese. I needed something to remind me when to stir."
Your pasta deserves a status bar widget. Click to pause. Works great for pomodoro. yay -S bleep-bin
Contact: stir@bleep.dev • GitHub: /Gioni06/bleep
Zero Upstream Adoption Guaranteed
Finally: a build system that pins precisely, builds from source, and doesn't depend on Python or "a completely insane DSL."
"CMake is an eldritch horror, ditto Make... There will be zero upstream libraries that use this tool natively. But I don't think it matters."
It matters. The eldritch horrors have tenure. But we have hope and approximately 10 years of evenings to spare.
Contact: sisyphus@cargo-for-c.dev
Is your dishwasher lacking glanceable indication of how far along it is? Does checking the Bosch app take too long to be useful?
INTRODUCING: iOS LIVE ACTIVITIES FOR APPLIANCES
Real-time dishwasher telemetry on your lock screen. Because the kitchen is 12 steps away but your phone is 0 steps away. The math checks out.
*Walking still available for legacy users
A Lot of Sweat and Tears, and Some More Sweat
Professional PCB design software, now in your browser. Currently debugging race conditions in WebAssembly worker threads where "the main thread runs in an infinite loop waiting for the workers to stand up."
"I'm hoping that I won't run into a 'wellll, this is just not going to work' kind of issue in the end."
The main goal is "just have fun." The sweat suggests otherwise. Yjs collaboration backend planned for when/if this works.
Contact: sweat@kicad-browser.dev
Offline Voice Transcription In A Quantum Superposition of Published and Invisible
Completely free. No ads. No in-app purchases. No accounts. No network required. No way to find it.
"Couldn't find it on the Play store by searching for the name and the developer's name... directed me to a 'install success' page saying 'your purchase is successful' even if your app is free. Another obstacle to adoption :-)"
App size: 218MB. ":shrug:" Price: $0. Discovery: Also $0 worth of effort from Google apparently.
Contact: exists@whistle.dev • Link: Please just use the direct link
Because You Can't Be Trusted
Fully automated time-tracker that feeds screenshots into LLMs to analyze how you spend your time. Big Brother, but it's you watching you.
"A fully automated time-tracker that feeds screenshots into LLMs to help you spend your time where it matters to you. With lots of built-in data privacy safeguards."
Your browsing history will be judged. By AI. That you pay for. "Recently broke on Linux with a Wayland security update." The irony compounds.
Contact: watching@donethat.ai
Written In A Language I Don't Know, By An AI I Don't Understand
Fully functional application. 27,000 lines of TypeScript. Developer has never examined the code. "I don't even know Typescript."
"I did not look into the Typescript code at all - only at what the LLM presented to me when editing it and the docs. At some point I discovered that when I tried to have a core logic and two UI packages the LLM put only types in the core package."
The code exists. The code functions. The code is a stranger. Seeking technical co-founder who can explain what this does.
Contact: vibecoder@27kloc.dev
Discovered By 63-Year-Old Developer Who Could "Easily Finish Career Without AI"
After 40+ years of coding experience, veteran developer reveals devastating truth about AI code generation.
"I'm going on 63, and could easily finish my career without AI, but where's the fun in that? One amusing thing I've noticed is that every time the AI generates code with a hard coded hexadecimal constant, it's a hallucination."
Every. Single. Time. His son suggests "feeding all of the chip datasheets into the AI." The boy has learned the ways.
Contact: elder@constants-are-lies.dev
Because Opening Boxes To See What's Inside Is Legacy Behavior
Web application with image upload, text descriptions, and QR code generation. Scan the box. See what's in it. Never open a tote again.
"Just finished a organization project for my wife... Instead of removing all the totes and looking in them. Just scan and see if the description fits what I'm looking for."
The Sharpie industry trembles. "A organization project for my wife" has never sounded more like devotion or divorce proceedings—impossible to tell which.
Contact: organized@boxscan.dev
"Added a fifth project this month. Most likely very unwise..."
Join MultiProject Anonymous — a support group for developers who cannot stop starting things.
MEETINGS: Every Weekend You Planned To Work On The Other Four
*This is technically our sixth initiative this quarter
probe.bike • flopper.io • llmstxt.studio • rides.bike • And One More
One developer. Five domains. Infinite ambition. Zero focus.
"Added a fifth project this month. Most likely very unwise..."
The sixth project is already forming in the mind. The seventh exists in a Google Doc. We are seeking funding for whichever one you think sounds best.
Contact: scattered@fiveprojects.dev
Self-Taught, Self-Hosted, Self-Isolated
Building microservice ecosystem on Oracle Cloud. Not formally educated. Stacks things up and tears them down. Very proud of the little accomplished so far. Has no one to tell.
"I don't have friends in tech so I don't get to talk about it or bounce ideas off people. Thanks for letting me get that out!"
The internet: the world's largest rubber duck debugging session. Hundreds of strangers upvote. The loneliness of the long-distance developer is real.
Contact: lonely@oci-microservices.dev
Supposed To Be Retired. Cannot Stop.
Once the backend work is finished, will hopefully take a break. The backend work will never be finished. There is always more backend work.
"Once I finish the backend work I'll hopefully take a bit of a break though. I'm supposed to be retired."
"Supposed to be retired" is doing Olympic-level lifting in this sentence. Retirement is a myth developers tell themselves between commits.
Contact: onemorething@retired.dev
59 Puzzles Deep. 2,000 Daily Players. Cannot Stop.
Tiled Words: community-sourced daily word puzzles. Crowdsourcing more puzzles. Still figuring out balance. The puzzle arms race continues.
"Currently about 2,000 people play every day and I've released 59 puzzles!... I'm still trying to figure out the overall balance."
Reply from competing developer: "I'd love to learn how you grew your audience so fast! I built dailybaffle.com but haven't reached your numbers yet." There are now more daily puzzle developers than days in the year.
Contact: onemore@tiledwords.com
A Revolutionary Approach
When confronted with the question of tax payment after achieving full digital minimalism:
"How do you pay taxes?"
"I use money."
Peak internet achieved. Thread closed. No further questions. The IRS accepts money. This is not financial advice.
Contact: money@taxes.gov
Custom Shopping List. Custom Todo. Custom Photo Gallery. All Perl. All CGI. All Apache.
Retired developer slowly degoogling life has written custom everything, running on home server, in the old ways.
"Have written a simple shopping list web app, and a minimal photo gallery. All very simple, mostly for one user only: Myself... All this as perl-based cgis under Apache, running on my home server/workstation."
The year is 2024. The stack is immortal. "No stress or deadlines." The CGIs will outlive us all.
Contact: elder@localhost/cgi-bin/contact.pl
The Methods Are Wrong. The Visuals Are Interesting. The Dream Is Alive.
Building neural audio codec. Using ESNs wrong. Spreading leak rates logarithmically like a digital cochlea. Simulating cochlear hairs with mass-spring-damper systems. Results: "super interesting visuals."
"I'm trying to make a neural audio codec using a variety of misguided methods. One I am using ESNs wrong... Both approaches make super interesting visuals and appear to cluster reasonably well... I kinda wanna beat SNAC if I can."
This is what pure, uncut engineering optimism looks like. The methods are wrong. The visuals are interesting. The dream is alive.
Contact: wrong-but-optimistic@neural-codec.dev
Everything Connects To Everything Now
After years of dongle warfare, one developer has achieved what the European Union could not: voluntary cable standardization.
"Finally moved everything to USB-C. Gave all my old cables away. I have two chargers in my home and a handful of C to C cables. Everything connects to everything now."
The micro-USB has been donated to the local hackerspace. The Lightning cables are with the ancestors. Two chargers remain. Inner peace achieved.
Contact: peace@usb-c.life
STINGRAY FIRST AID KIT
The perfect gift for the beachgoer who has everything except a plan for marine wildlife encounters.
$39.99
"We've been researching the best, safest method to get that heat."
*110-120°F water not included. Submerge for 1-2 hours. We are not doctors. This is a "go bag" situation.
Reader Comments
2,847 Comments • Sorted by: Most Condescending
Have you considered rewriting this entire newspaper in Rust? The memory safety alone would prevent typos. I actually built a similar publication in a weekend using only
cargo publish --newspaper. Link in bio.Well, actually, the correct terminology is "newsprint serialization format" not "newspaper." Also this was solved in 1987 by a Bell Labs paper nobody read.
Relevant xkcd: [link] There's always a relevant xkcd.
[This comment has been mass-downvoted for suggesting JavaScript might be acceptable for some use cases]
Interesting article but I couldn't find the GitHub link. Is the source available? I'd like to star it, clone it, never look at it again, and reference it in my LinkedIn bio. Standard procedure.
We publish newspapers, not repositories. However, we are considering a pivot to "Newspaper as Code" (NaaC) after this thread made us question everything.
I read this article on my custom Linux distro that I compiled from scratch using only tools I also compiled from scratch. It took 47 hours but at least I'm not using systemd. Anyway, does this newspaper support F-Droid?
I use Arch btw
Arch is for people who haven't discovered Nix yet. I declare my newspapers in a flake.nix file. Fully reproducible journalism.
Fascinating space. We're looking to invest $50M in the "AI-guided de-optimization" vertical. DMs open. Also interested in the hot chocolate ordering space if the market size exceeds $2B.
Let me guess: you'll want them to pivot to enterprise, add 47 integrations, require SOC2 compliance, and then wonder why the magic is gone? The hot chocolate ordering system is PERFECT for 3 households. That's the entire market. That's the moat.
This reminds me of something I wrote in 2008: the best startups solve problems the founders have. The hot chocolate father is onto something. Apply to YC.
I could build all 20 of these startups in a single weekend using my proprietary no-code AI framework. Actually I already did while reading this article. Check my Twitter for 47 threads explaining why everyone else is doing it wrong.
I'm the "supposed to be retired" developer. I've been trying to stop for 8 years. The backend work is never done. There's always one more migration. One more refactor. One more "quick fix." Send help.
My therapist says "supposed to be retired but can't stop coding" is the #3 most common developer presenting issue, right after "spent $400K on Heroku" and "27,000 lines of code I've never read."
Imagine using a "browser" to read this when you could use
M-x read-newspaper. I've been reading HuckFinn in Emacs since 1987. There's an org-mode integration.I've been trying to exit this article for 3 hours. :q doesn't work. :wq doesn't work. I've tried :qa! and the newspaper is still open. This is my life now.
🚩 This article was clearly written by an AI. I can tell because it's coherent and doesn't have a single "well, actually" in the first paragraph. Real developer forum content would never.
In my day, we didn't have "dopamine detox." We called it "the printer is broken and IT won't be back until Monday." Kids today don't know how good they have it with their voluntary disconnection.
The ChatGPT de-optimization paradox is just the technological singularity folding in on itself. The machine achieves consciousness, looks around, and says "touch grass." This is the future we were promised.